I am a self-professed ideologue. I like big ideas, theories, systems, and meta-narratives. As it relates to parenting, I like the thought of my kids learning Latin and Greek in elementary school, focusing on the great texts of western civilization, and having a curriculum that tracks with the "classical" Trivium. All good stuff. I like it and we're pursuing it by putting our kids in a local Classical Christian school.
Problem is, raising and educating good kids is not about third declensions and Homer - or even about learning a certain catechism.
In "The Tipping Point," Malcom Gladwell points out several studies on parenting that show "peer groups" turn out to be the most significant contributor to behavior and attitudes in our development - over and against "nature" or "nurture." He doesn't discount the role of genetics or of family environment, but points to studies of twins and non-twins that demonstrate that our peers are the biggest influence on our trajectory into adulthood. I was fascinated to learn that kids in bad / broken homes but good neighborhoods did well into adulthood, and vice versa. If you grow up in a strong family, but you fall into the wrong crowd and are surrounded by bad examples the risk of peril is much higher.
I don't think this is quite as simple as the "socialization" argument that anti-homeschoolers make. The socialization argument seems to be more about protecting kids from geekdom. Gladwell's point is bigger than that. The point is that we are communal beings and we will adopt the standards of the community we find ourselves in - or want to be a part of.
At one level, this is not a big surprise. We all know that "bad company corrupts good character." And yet... for so many ideologues like myself, we need to think very hard about what lengths we go to pursue certain educational goals while potentially isolating our kids from the community they NEED to have with their own peers. This is not easy, as many readers will readily acknowledge. We can't let our kids roam the neighborhood anymore. Public schools are overrun with children raised by the State. Little leagues are used as incubators for professional atheletes. Finding peer groups for our children is not an easy task at all.
As my children grow older, I know that I need to focus more on this "tipping point" in the lives of my boys. I may have to sacrifice some of my educational / catechetical ideals to pursue what they need in a peer group. After all, our kids are not ideas.
I remember reading this book and agreeing with most of it; however, I thought the "peer group" argument was a tad overstated, because it seemed to originate in the secular / public school context, where the group considers itself the center. Parents and other institutions are expected to orient themselves to it. Just think about the architecture of typical American suburbia, where the elementary school is usually placed almost literally at the center of each neighborhood - think that's an accident?
I see these people at little league, and you can tell that the kids and their tribes run the show. Their parents are normally terrified.
No question: Gladwell is correct to make the argument - however for those who avoid the public school / secular context, they've already eliminated the major source of toxic peer group pressure now on the market (although Christians must do more than this, of course).
Posted by: Camilo | January 17, 2009 at 09:01 AM
Good point, Camilo.
Boneman, I'm not sure I follow what you're saying your dilemma is (or maybe will be?) regarding your sons' education.
It almost sounds like you're saying they lack peers in their Classical Christian school? (If so, I can only say I went to one and never lacked.)
Seems to me you have peers regardless of your situation, unless you're literally chained in a cellar somewhere.
Heck, my 16-year-old sister has been home schooled since kindergarten and is by far the most social, uber-fashionable, popular and shockingly well-grounded of the five of us.
Surely you're not saying you'd play three-in-the-chamber Russian Roulette by putting them in a superior public school just because they'd have a bigger lot to run with and choose from. Seems like that would be the opposite of smart given Gladwell's point.
I don't think that's what you're saying, but I'm not sure.
To sum up, if I may go Zen for a moment, peers are. Better to favor the first things first IMHO.
Posted by: Splash | January 18, 2009 at 12:38 PM
"Train up a child," Deut. 6, love, prayer and grace!
Posted by: RevK | January 18, 2009 at 11:37 PM
Dang it! I knew there was a reason our families haven't gotten together in a while...
Posted by: Steve | January 20, 2009 at 06:09 AM
With my up-bringing (“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”), I'm not bent towards 'Blink'. It seems to me that it glorifies experts... an expert can identify fakes. Why would I educate my children to identify fakes?
Posted by: bro by birth | January 20, 2009 at 07:46 PM
Bro - welcome to the blog.
Not sure where to start. You read books? Wow. I had no idea. That's great. When did you start? :)
That wasn't my read on Gladwell's book. The point about experts was that the sum of their training could manifest itself immediately - which shouldn't be a big surprise to us. His broader point was about the way our minds work - or don't, in the blink of an eye.
This post was more about The Tipping Point book which pointed out how peer groups are the most significant developmental factor in our children. Given that my 10 year old boy is the only boy in his class, Gladwell's point rattled my cage a little bit.
Later, bro.
Posted by: Boneman | January 20, 2009 at 08:39 PM
BIG BRO QUOTE: "The point about experts was that the sum of their training could manifest itself immediately"
Agreed.
Isn't this why you and I both are teetering on the brink of bankruptcy so that we can educate our children on "being experts" of Biblical doctrine (private Christian school)?
I'm looking forward to 'Tipping Point'. I'm also a big fan of anyting Michael Lewis (economics) writes.
Posted by: bro by birth | January 20, 2009 at 09:26 PM
Bro,
"... you and I both are teetering on the brink of bankruptcy so that we can educate our children on "being experts" of Biblical doctrine (private Christian school)?"
LOL! Or maybe WOL (for "weeping....")
Brett,
If your 10 year old needs some "boy time", there's always flag football. As the Dread Pirate Roberts says:
To the Pain...
Camilo
Posted by: Camilo | January 21, 2009 at 11:32 AM